She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused autopsy.

The patient has no previous history of suicides.

Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient's medical history remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in past 3 days.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

The lab tests indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead.

Skin: somewhat pale but present.

The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

Large brown stool ambulating in the hall.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

All good ones Kimba!

Me too!

Sadly, these are funny but not uncommon and polite in many respects compared to the list I have saved from what doctors have said and transcribed word for word or errors found in charts, etc. It's... Bad, which is why everyone should get their medical records each and every time they see any doctor or go to any doctors office for services.

It's not just doctors who write notes. Nurse need to keep record of what happens during their shift too. I wouldn't be surprised if some of these notes were written by nurses.

Me either. The PA's make the best mistakes. Yesterday, I got one that was dictated....

"She says she is tight and when I laid her down on the bed I could not get her legs above my head."

Now, it wouldn't be so bad if this particular dictating PA actually had something before and after the physical exam section. But that WAS his PE. Nothing more.. nothing less. And besides the obvious objectiveness of the first part of the statement "she said that she is tight," which should be in the objective section or HOPI depending on what level of exam and how much they want to get paid for that visit/type of exam.

But that was a stand alone statement and leaves much to be desired.

I might rip the names and ID' info in one of my old logs and paste the out of context statements. I'll start it and see how long it takes me.