Rule One

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.


Rule Two

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.


Rule Three

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.


Rule Four

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate: when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.


Rule Five

In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."


Rule Six

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.


Rule Seven

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?


Rule Eight

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chainsaws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.


Rule Nine

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.


Rule Ten

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

Things I have done in the past.

On more than one occasion I have been known to carry my battle axe up out of the basement when one of my daughters new boyfriends come over for the first time. (Two were scared off, the other married my daughter!)

I have checked out a guy's car, made sure there was gas in it, the oil was full and clean and that it sounded like it was in proper working order. In addition I wrote down the license plate and VIN number before allowing my daughter in the car.

I have made copies of my daughter's boyfriends drivers licenses.

I gave my daughter a hammer one time, told her to use it on the windshield if he tried anything, see it was daddy's car he was driving, that would have made for some explaining to do. (This was wife's idea)

So, is that one piece of advise we shouldn't take heed of?

I say how bad can they guy be id he wants to marry my daughter after finding out I own, and am willing to use, a battle axe!

When dee was 12 I told the boy who had been sucking face with her that if he put his tongue into her mouth one more time I would pull his tongue out through his ass!

I once took Dee to the Pizza Hut where the bus for the willy george ministries (church on the move) (180) pick up the kids and take them to 180, which is a teen church function. I dropped her off, then realized I needed to give her some money for pizza...and went and got 10 bucks out of my car. As I came up behind her, a very cut 17 yr old was asking her if she was 17, (she was actually 14) and as I got close enough to hear her say uh huh to his question, I proceeded to tell him no she isn't 17 and tell her in a loud voice, young lady you better get your butt back in that car, cause your not going anywhere! I do believe that was her last trip to 180.

Recently our 16 year old was acting like a 30 year old with his 15 YO boyfriend.

I dealt with her later, but he knows what it feels like to hang over concrete from the 2nd floor now with my wife and a couple (our friends) screaming don't kill him!

That boy almost knew what it felt like to fly without wings. Then HIS dad got hold of him. What I did was nothing,

I got a bit curious with your child's orientation when I first read this until I read the second paragraph! lol

Long ago in my youth I was that young man ready to defile you little girl's.. Sorry guy's the girls always liked the bad boy's... I had on dad sitting in the kitchen cleaning and oiling his gun when I went to pick up his daughter.. He said you better treat her right... and I did.. What's worse than a Dad is a Mom
who catches you in the act... OMG I thought my life was going to be over.. Everything turned out alright... I'm still alive right.. or is she waiting for the right moment?? If it was your son the guy's are ready to give them a high five but if it's your daughter it's a whole new ballgame... Why??? As I recall the girls were just as bad if not worse than the boy's when I was a kid. It can not be that much different today is it???

From my perspective and mine alone.... it is because my boy won't get preggo. If he does soemthing and someone gets preggo... I can also beat the tar out of him like a man and not feel guilty, just can't do that with the little girls.

I also tell mine that they are allowed to anything that is currently legal for their age to do, which includes taking responsibility for those actions. It is not illegal for a 17-year-old to have sex with someone that is within two years of their age in Florida. But, they also know if they do so they will be out of my house. If they want to play grown up by all means... play grown up, just not in my house.

these rules are not cool
no offence although some of them pretty reasonable but some are just too much
haha
i protest!!
jkjk

lol sry was too high!
ate too much candy